A boy. I’ve had almost a full 48 hours to let the news sink in. I’m having a boy.
On Sunday, we met up with Bree Shepard (who else?) at the same pier she took our engagement photos back in 2008. Talk about coming full circle! Bree had the privilege of filling up the paint bottles with the right colors, which meant she had to open that ultrasound envelope – so she knew the gender a good 20 minutes before we did. She had a coy little smile on her face when she said, “I know something you don’t know!” 🙂 We took those bottles down to the beach and had an all-out paint war to find out if Baby M (our “Tummy Name” for this baby, as both names we picked out start with an “M”) was a boy or a girl. Two good squirts of watercolor on Abigail’s shirt and I shouted, “It’s Blue!!! It’s Blue!!!” More water color, and plenty of real paint came flying at me, as Anthony and I rejoiced in this new knowledge.
With Abigail, I KNEW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was having a girl. 98% of guesses guessed boy because of how low I was carrying her. But I just had this weird vibe inside me that screamed GIRL! And I was right. But this time around, not only did I not know, I had zero inclining whatsoever. Sure there were different parts of my heart that pulled me in certain directions, from, “Oh how easy another girl would be – we already have all the stuff!” to, “What an adventure a boy would be.” But truly, I had no idea what we were having. Or what it would mean to me once we found out.
Both sides of our family are… shall we say “vocal” about their ideas and opinions. Abigail is descendant of one large Mexican family and one even larger Lebanese family. Opinions flow like water around here. And this family was split, almost 50/50 on their opinion about this baby’s gender. Of course, all of them are thrilled at the reality, no matter what their vote was. But I know a few people who voted BOY from the get-go that are doing little happy dances right now. My Mom told me early on, “I know what it is like to raise two girls 3 years apart. So my wish for you is a Boy.” 🙂 And Uncle Phil was quite convinced he was qualified to read that 12 week ultrasound accurately – this news allows him his beloved, “Told-You-So’s.”
The announcement, and the photos, have gone over so well. It was truly something I’ll never forget. But that first evening, Anthony and I both seemed a bit quiet (for us, anyway) when I thought we’d be bouncing off the walls in excitement. I think we were both a bit shocked. And I think we would have been either way. Finding out the gender now, as opposed to at birth, like we did with Abigail, is such a different feeling. The first, and immediate change was that we stopped saying “Baby M” and starting calling him by name: Milo. The second change was that we stopped asking Abby which she wanted, and started telling her, “Baby Brother.” (Not a big change, as the majority of her answers to that question were “Ummm… Brudder” anyway). But that first night – I don’t know – it was almost like nothing had changed.
But it had. It just took a while for my heart and my mind to get there. Abby seems to get it just fine. Both yesterday and today, she was happy to tell me that her “BeeBee Brudder, Mommy’s Tummy!” She got it right away. And, as usual, things seem to hit Anthony faster than me. I saw his excitement yesterday, in his face, in his body language, in his reaction to our family’s emails… His heart and mind had figured it out – He is having a son. But for me, it didn’t happen until a few hours ago. When I talked to this baby before now, I called him “kid.” As in, “You know what, Kid?” or ” Ok kid, move off my bladder!” or “I love you, Kiddo.” But a few hours ago, he was putting an awful lot of pressure on my right side, and I said (out loud), “Ok, Milo – I need you to move.” And all of a sudden it finally hit me – I’m having a son.
That moment of absentmindedly naming him brought my whole world to a halt. And ever since, I’m seeing the world through blue-tinted glasses. My mind raced with all things BOY. The changes in decor we’ll make to Abby’s room as it becomes “the Kids’ room” and the shifts I will need to make in caring for him once he arrives. And then fear set in, as only my mind can make it do. It was unintentional, but my brain raced through all those moments back in 2010 when I was told countless times to be thankful that Abby was a girl and NOT a boy – a boy would not have survived what she had to endure. So with tears in my eyes, I prayed that this pregnancy holds and that my body can give him what he needs to make it here, safe and sound.
The truth is that I have had very little, if ANY, emotional attachment to this pregnancy. I’m told from loved ones and experts alike that this is normal – that my brain is protecting me from getting hurt in case things go wrong. But I have finally reached that point of no return – emotional attachment achieved. I have a son, and he has a name. And my heart is so infinitely larger than it was yesterday. There is no going back.
I have to smile when I think about the future. I’m living the dream. I have one of each – a Girl and a Boy. A Sister and a Brother. We were able to give the grandparents both a Granddaughter and a Grandson. They will love each other and have a bond that no one will be able to calculate or sever. They will protect each other and teach each other for the rest of their lives. And we will be among the parents who are blessed with the unique task of raising both genders in one home. Challenge Accepted. 😉
I have approximately 4 more months before I meet our little guy. But I’m so excited! The next chapter in our story is about to begin. I can’t wait (but I will!) to introduce you all to Milo Anthony before the year is out.