A Mother’s Prayer

I read this today, and laughed so hard, it hurt. Tina Fey is HILARIOUS.

For those of you who haven’t read it – it is a prayer she wrote for Mother’s of daughters everywhere. And what makes it so funny is that it is painfully TRUE. We worry about everything you can imagine. We have stellar hopes and dreams for our little girls, and underneath those, we have realistic, only partially sarcastic goals for them. And yes, we still have as much attitude towards them as we did when we were snot-nosed, spoiled teenagers giving attitude to our mothers.

Being a new mom, where the whole world is at Abigail’s fingertips, I can totally relate to this humorous little prayer. Now, I don’t claim to be funny by any means. Certainly there is no comparison to my humor and that of Ms. Tina Fey! But she did inspire me to write my own prayer, in honor of Mother’s day. And, because writers write what they know, of course this prayer is specific to Abigail. Here it goes! Enjoy:

Dear Lord:
Please protect my little girl. And I don’t just mean watch over her. I mean physically protect her. Could you wrap her up in some sort of heavenly bubble wrap or something? I would really love to see that.

May she be smart. But not too smart. Too smart = smarty pants, and You made me too sarcastic to deal with a smarty pants. Just sayin’

May she be as beautiful as I think she is. Beautiful + Smart = unstoppable. And if her baby pictures are any indication of what you’ve got in store for her looks down the road then please, PLEASE, have mercy on my nerves. I worry about her enough as it is without having to worry about what those boys are thinking!

Lord, if a cat has 9 lives, how many do Micro-preemies have? A better question would be how many have we used, so far? I want to know how far we can push it… 😉

May she lead a full and fulfilling life – one where she remembers the little things like singing in the shower and calling her mother. Because you know that if she doesn’t call me, I’ll call her. And leave obnoxious messages about how she never calls me. Which will make her want to call me less. It is a vicious cycle you can end here and now. Thanks.

May she never bring home a boy who is stupid. Anthony and I can handle a lot of things. We can handle a boy with tattoos. We can handle a boy with a different upbringing. We can handle a boy who’s a little bit of a rebel. We can handle cocky, super smart, opinionated, macho, and suave. But Lord, we cannot.handle.stupid.

May she get into college. Because she doesn’t know it yet, but in our house, it isn’t really an optional ideal. It’s more like a, “You are going because we are your parents and we know what is best for you so get over it now” sort of ideal. It doesn’t have to be Ivy league – You know neither of us were… But in a world where a Bachelor’s is the new HS Diploma, it’s college or bust.

I pray that we can afford the demand I just made.

Lord, help her to know right from wrong. Guide her actions in a way that helps her along her path to greatness and does not turn my hair gray.

Lord, give her logic. Because I would really, really appreciate not having to explain that “gravity is a law that simply cannot be broken” to her more than once. Her ability to accept the world around her will help keep her safe and ultimately away from hospitals. And Lord – gonna be honest here – NOT. GOING. BACK.

And Lastly, Lord, may she be happy. I pray she is as happy in her old age as she is now – without a worry in the world and her whole life ahead of her. Thank you for blessing me (and Anthony) with this amazing gift. Please grant us the strength, patience, and energy it will take to chase her around for the next 18 years and beyond.

Amen.

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