The Poop

I had THE MOST hilarious conversation with Anthony this morning. I laughed so hard, I cried. The topic, you ask? Poop.

We have an infant and a dog. More daily conversations are about poop than I would like to admit. But there you have it. It is what it is. Poop is something I have had AT LEAST two conversations a day about for almost a year. So, naturally, I have had to find the humor in the poop. And before I tell you about our little comedy, I have to give you a small tidbit of background. Poop and I are mortal enemies. When I was pregnant, taking the dog for a walk to do his business was torture. And Abigail may be tiny, but her dirty diapers pack a serious punch. I’ve had to change some doozies, and yes, I have even been pooped on! (Lord, give me strength!). But Anthony….Anthony is the diaper whisperer… No joke. He has this ridiculously uncanny ability to choose the diapers that DON’T have poop in them. Even when I would bet money that this one was the diaper that would help me claim my revenge! Much to my dismay, he exclaims, “No Poop! Muahahaha!” when I was SO SURE I was handing him the worst diaper of the day to change. I don’t get it. How does it ALWAYS happen that way? Grrrr.

Anywho – as always (when will I learn?) I was sure Abigail had pooped. And I don’t know if it was the time change, or the lack of sleep, or just a temporary lapse in his whisperer skills… but finally choose wrong:

Me: You have one of two choices. You can change Abby’s poopy diaper, or you can walk the dog.

Anthony: Noooooo! Both of those choices involve poop! Why does everything involve poop?!

Me: Those are your choices… pick one.

Anthony (in the voice that says, I don’t want to, but since I have to…): Fine… I’ll walk the dog…

Me (not expecting him to pick the dog): Ok….?

…I go to change Abby’s diaper, and suddenly I’M THE DIAPER WHISPERER!!!!!

Me: NO POOP! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Anthony: NO!!!!!! I chose the wrong one! My chances for poop have just increased exponentially!

He grumbled while I did a victory dance. He went to walk the dog. And when he came back, the first and only thing he said to me was: Pup Pooped.

Now that is funny. Just sayin’

-Jen

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