Figuring it all out

My last post forced me to do some soul-searching. And not because of what I wrote – but because of the conversation(s) I had with my husband afterward. I write my feelings down here, and most of the time Anthony knows about what I’m writing before I post it. But last time, I didn’t consult with him. NO, I don’t have to consult him. He doesn’t care. But my words did cause him to feel the need to remind me that I’ve got a built-in sounding board right here in my living room. He said that when I’m feeling down or confused or any emotion, really, I can talk to him about it. It made me realize that I haven’t really talked to him, or anyone, about my feelings lately.

I looked at him, and I honestly thought I had come to him. I told him, “We’ve talked about this before. We seem to talk about nothing else… Our world revolves around corrected ages and poop. Hahahaha.” We both brushed it off for the moment. But he was right. I mean, we’ve talked about “this” daily. But talking about the ins-and-outs isn’t talking about how we feel about it all. I broke that cardinal rule of marriage. I forgot I was part of a team. He and I are in this thing together, come hell or high water. And it is something I need to remember, and do better with.

When we revisited the issue, Anthony helped me realize I’ve been bottling. I’ve been holding a lot of emotion in, and that creates all sorts of stress for me. It makes me moody and irritable, and just no fun to be around. Not to mention, it doesn’t help me feel any better! So, long story short, we worked out a lot of the emotion – lots of tears, some yelling, and some much-needed hugs later, I felt MUCH better. He’s awesome. But after all of that, Anthony pointed out that I had stopped writing while I was in my funk. He reminded me that writing was how I sort of “get through” things. He encouraged me to write more often – maybe shorter, less in-depth posts about all of the every-day stuff. He thinks it will help me continue to de-stress. And of course, he and I will keep talking about more than just the basics.

Well I love it when he makes a whole world of sense. (And I will always have a love/hate relationship with when he is right!) So, I’m going to take that one step further. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to give up for lent. So instead of giving something up, I am going to take something on. I am going to blog, once a day, every day, until Easter. It may only be a short post with a picture about something Abigail did, or it might be a few paragraphs about what I did that day, or it might just be a few thoughts for the day – but I’ll do it every day. It will be a challenge, and I think it will be good for me. So, Thanks Anthony – for always being there for me, and for encouraging my passions. You are the best. I love you.

See you all tomorrow!

-Jen

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