I’ve spent the last week writing a post. I wasn’t done yet. And I just deleted it.
Yup – did it on purpose and everything.
The blog was negative. It was sad and depressing and it was making me moody and a meanie-head to Anthony.
The blog was about how hard this journey has been. And while I’m not going to say I figured it all out and I’m fine now (cause that would just be about the craziest lie I’d ever come up with), I can say I got some perspective.
I did it again… I had a meltdown. Seems to happen quite a lot these days. I snapped at Anthony and for once he snapped back. I’d laid the straw that broke the camel’s back. He finally got irritated enough to say something, and I lost it. Poor guy – he didn’t deserve that.
I told him I wasn’t mad at him at all and that I was just struggling with all of this (complete with crazy-ninja-hand-movements that indicated the encompassing of my entire world). He pulled me in tight and said he knew. He’s going through it, too. He asked me to be strong. He said, “Gorgeous (yes, he actually calls me that), don’t fall apart on me now. I can’t fix this one with duct tape.” As always, he makes me laugh even at my worst moments.
We talked it out. And while I’m not at all near being ok, I’m better. I forget I’m not walking this alone. I need to remember it more often. And I need to remember that Anthony needs me just as much as I need him.
So, I will re-write. I have a lot to say about this crazy start to Abby’s amazing life. And not all of it is positive. But the end result is, and I need that to be my focus.
For now, just know that Abby is doing amazingly well. She is not just beating the odds, she’s defying them. Kicking ass and taking names, quite frankly. She is a whopping 3 pounds and 11.2 ounces as of her weigh in tonight (Monday). Today, she took an entire feeding from a bottle for the first time. And she accomplished the task in 25 minutes (a record for her). And then, she digested every last drop before her next feeding. This girl is coming home, come hell or high water and nothing is going to stand in her way. I’m so ridiculously proud. Proud in the way only a Mom can feel.
Thanks for reading, and thanks for being patient as I re-write my latest post.